The Missing Links of Emotional Influence

This week, let’s roll up our emotional sleeves, and learn how great leaders inspire feelings that energize people to achieve great results. How do they find missing links that generate connection, motivation and commitment? We might find a hint in a pair of ancient Latin phrases.

Table of Contents

• THE ULLMEN INSIGHT: Emotion is the engine of influence. As a leader, emotional influence can propel progress or break a bitter deadlock.

• THE ULLMEN TRIO: Guests: Ella Fitzgerald (1917–1996) and Jimmy Valvano (1946–1993).

• THE TRIO TAKEAWAYS: Lessons learned

• THE TRIPLE PLAY: Compare, Contrast and Create

THE ULLMEN INSIGHT

Emotion is the engine of influence. As a leader, emotional influence can propel progress or break a bitter deadlock.

Here’s an example we’ll call, “The Missing Links to a Deal.” 

It features Dee Hock, the visionary founder of VISA, at a moment when the ambitious initiative to expand VISA internationally, after years of effort, stood on the brink of collapse.

At the critical, final meeting with delegates from the most influential financial institutions, he presented each one with an unexpected gift: a pair of cufflinks.

These weren't just ordinary cufflinks. On one, an image of half the world was engraved alongside the Latin phrase "Studium ad prosperandum" – the will to succeed. 

On the other, the remaining half of the globe accompanied "Voluntas in conveniendum" – the grace to compromise.

Hock said: 

“We meet tomorrow for the final time to disband the effort after an arduous two years. We have one last request. Will you please wear your cuff links to the meeting in the morning? When we part, each of us will take them with us as a reminder for the rest of our lives that the world can never be united through us, because we lack the will to succeed and the grace to compromise…  

“But, if by some miracle, our differences dissolve before morning, this gift will remind us until the day we die that the world was united because we had the will to succeed and the grace to compromise.”

A profound silence followed his words. Then, unexpectedly, the most steadfast opponent broke the stillness, not with argument, but with a hearty expletive, followed by a wave of shared laughter. The emotional dam had broken. Hock had shifted the entire emotional tenor of the room. The next day, the deal, previously doomed, sailed through.

If people’s emotions are at odds with your influence objectives, progress is an exhausting, uphill struggle. To boost your odds of success, people’s feelings need to align with the change you propose. 

Here’s a two-step process to achieve that.

Step 1: Set Your Emotional Compass

Effective influence requires inspiring emotions that resonate with your desired outcomes. Ask yourself: How do I want my stakeholders to FEEL about this change? This is strategic empathy. 

Begin by identifying the most constructive emotions that support your initiative. Do you need enthusiasm, confidence, urgency, or perhaps a shared sense of resolve? Give people the emotional fuel they need to believe the change is not just necessary, but truly worthwhile.

Application: In the VISA example, Dee Hock needed to overcome the perceived safety of inaction with the compelling pull of a collaborative future. He aimed for delegates to feel hope & unity instead of defeat & division.

Step 2: Use HEART to Inspire & Connect

With your emotional direction defined, communicate your vision and strategy in a way that strikes powerful emotional chords. The HEART framework gives five proven methods to shape the emotional landscape and achieve shared success.

H - Highlight Pain & Gain

Paint two vivid worlds: one shackled by the status quo (the “pain” of risks, costs, losses), the other alive with possibility (the “gain” of the benefits, rewards, and opportunities you propose). Emphasize and contrast pain & gain to heighten the emotional significance of the choice.

Application: Hock powerfully contrasted the pain of lifelong regret with the gain of enduring pride. By anchoring these starkly different emotional futures directly to the cufflinks, he made the stakes deeply personal and immediate, framing the choice not just as a business decision, but as a defining moment of their collective legacy.

E - Embody the Emotion 

Show the desired emotional state, attitudes, and behaviors you wish to cultivate in others. Lead by example, emotionally and through your actions. Be a living demonstration of the path forward.

Application: Hock's deliberate, dramatic intervention on the eve of failure embodied the "will to succeed" he asked of others. His serious, purposeful action modeled leadership under pressure, refusing passivity. This demonstration of conviction set a new emotional tone, showing that success was still possible if they mirrored his vision.

A - Amplify Aspired Values

Connect your proposal to core values, principles, sense of purpose, or shared identity that genuinely resonates with the audience. Show how your proposal powerfully activates those deeply held beliefs. Speak to what truly matters to them beyond the bottom line.

Application: By etching "The will to succeed" and "The grace to compromise" onto the cufflinks, Hock amplified universal leadership values. This masterstroke elevated the negotiation from transactional details to a test of character and a pursuit of a higher aspiration, to symbolically unite the world. This reframing tapped into deeper motivations, making compromise feel like a noble act rather than a defeat.

R - Reinforce Connection & Trust

Intentionally build and nurture strong, positive relationships founded on empathy, mutual respect, psychological safety, and genuine rapport. Practice active listening, demonstrate reliability, show you care, ask thoughtful questions, seek input, and give credit generously. Trust is the bedrock upon which all sustainable influence is built.

Application: The unexpected personal gift created a unique shared moment, instantly fostering connection. Hock’s acknowledgment of the "arduous two years" validated their shared history. This bold move relied on pre-existing trust, but the subsequent shared laughter cemented a powerful human bond, breaking the deadlock by unifying them emotionally around the critical choice he presented.

T - Tune the Timing 

Clearly articulate why now is the pivotal moment for your proposal. Explain the urgency, the fleeting opportunity, or the critical deadline that demands timely action.

Application: Hock masterfully chose the last moment before dissolution to highlight the sense of urgency. He then dramatically slowed the tempo with the gift, his speech, and reflective silence. This allowed the emotional gravity of his message to weigh effectively before the final decision.

By skillfully weaving these principles together, Dee Hock did not just close a deal; he forged a new future for global commerce. He shifted the emotional dynamics, created space for compromise, and transformed looming failure into legendary success. 

Leaders who embrace the HEART framework foster the positive emotional climate necessary to inspire action, navigate challenges, and achieve remarkable results.

Logic makes a case; emotion builds commitment.

Reason persuades minds; emotion energizes action. 

When mind speaks to mind, information travels; when hearts connect, transformation begins.

The best leaders know the path of positive influence runs straight through the “HEART.”

Emotional links are never missing, they just await a heart-connecting leader. 

Arms link when hearts connect, then positive influence spreads. 

THE ULLMEN TRIO

John holds an imagined conversation on our theme with this week’s guests, Ella Fitzgerald and Jimmy Valvano.

Ella Fitzgerald (1917–1996)

Born in 1917, Ella Fitzgerald overcame a challenging childhood to become the "First Lady of Song." She captivated audiences with her impeccable vocal range and improvisational scat singing. She won 13 Grammys over a six-decade career, and she collaborated with other jazz greats like Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington. Her iconic Great American Songbook recordings continue to inspire vocalists globally.

Jimmy Valvano (1946–1993)

Born in 1946, Jim Valvano was a charismatic basketball coach who led North Carolina State University to an improbable NCAA championship in 1983. Known for his infectious optimism, he inspired millions with his 1993 ESPY Awards speech while battling terminal cancer, urging people to live passionately and never give up. Through the V Foundation for Cancer Research, his legacy endures, funding groundbreaking cancer research.

John Ullmen: It’s wonderful to be here with two such remarkable legends, Ella Fitzgerald and Jimmy Valvano. Your lives offer profound lessons on leadership and the power of emotional connection.  Ella, Jimmy, welcome! You both have left such a powerful emotionally rich legacy. To begin, how vital do you find it for leaders to influence others effectively by connecting with their emotions? Can you share some stories from your lives.

Ella Fitzgerald: Sure, John. Emotion, well, it’s the melody of it all, is it not? For me, music was always the way to reach hearts. It was never just about singing the notes; it was about telling a story that makes people feel something deep inside. When I sing, I invite them into my heart. 

Let me take you back to 1955, the Mocambo Club in Hollywood. A real glamorous spot, all the movie stars went there. But they did not want me. The owner said a Black woman, even one who could sing like me, was not "glamorous" enough for his A-list clientele. I was crushed, truly. I felt like I didn’t belong, like my talent was not enough to overcome that kind of prejudice. Then, an angel stepped in, Marilyn Monroe, bless her heart. She was a regular there. She called the owner personally and told him, straight up, that if he booked me, she would take a front table every single night I performed. And she did! Can you imagine the buzz? Marilyn Monroe, sitting front and center, just to support me. 

That is real influence, John, using your light and your power to shine on someone else, to open a door that was unjustly closed. 

When I finally stepped onto that Mocambo stage, knowing Marilyn was there, I didn’t just sing! I poured all my gratitude for her, all my hurt from that initial rejection, and my pure, unadulterated joy of finally being there, into every single note. I remember singing "Summertime," and I slowed it way down, let my voice crack just a little with all the emotion I was feeling. You could have heard a pin drop in that usually noisy club. Then – the applause. It was not just polite; it was like a giant wave of warmth, of acceptance. That night taught me something profound: to lead, to truly connect, you have to be willing to be vulnerable, to share your genuine truth, your struggles, and your triumphs. It is not about convincing with arguments; it is about inviting people into your heart, so they feel seen, understood, and part of something real.

Jimmy Valvano: Ella, that Mocambo story with Marilyn Monroe is just beautiful, a true testament to grace, courage, and the power of an ally. "Inviting people into your heart," that’s exactly it! 

You did it with your gorgeous voice; I tried to do it with a whistle, a clipboard, and maybe a few too many animated hand gestures! For me, connecting with emotion was everything in leading those young men on my teams. You have to make them feel the vision, not just hear it. 

I'll never forget the 1983 NC State season. We were the underdogs in almost every single tournament game. The championship game was against the University of Houston, nicknamed "Phi Slama Jama," a team of giants! Future NBA legends like Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler, absolute Goliaths! 

My team were kids,18, 19, 20 years old. I knew I couldn’t just give them X's and O's. They needed something more. I brought my father, Jim Valvano Sr., into the locker room. He was terminally ill with cancer, and it took every ounce of strength he had to be there. He looked at those boys, these young men who had become like sons to me, and he rasped, his voice weak but his eyes burning with intensity, "Why is a dying man in your locker room? Because time is the only opponent that always wins. Now, you go out there and make eternity wait." 

John Ullmen: Whoa. That’s powerful.

Jimmy Valvano: You can’t imagine, John.  Chills, John. Absolute chill!. You could see it in their eyes. The fear started to recede, replaced by this incredible fire. They were not just playing a basketball game anymore. They were playing for something bigger, something eternal, something deeply personal. We went out there and played like mortals determined to leave indelible footprints on the sands of time. That belief, that raw, powerful emotion, that is what allows ordinary people to do extraordinary, unforgettable things.

Ella Fitzgerald: Jimmy, your father’s words… "make eternity wait." That takes my breath away. That’s the kind of profound emotional connection that changes everything when you want to really influence people.. And you are so right, it is about making them feel something bigger than themselves. Sometimes it’s a rousing speech.  Sometimes, it comes in a quiet moment, with a gentle touch. 

I recall a night at Carnegie Hall in 1966. The band and I, we were bone tired; we had been on the road for what felt like ages. But I looked out into that magnificent hall, and my eyes landed on a little girl, maybe seven or eight years old, sitting with her mother. She was dressed in her Sunday best, clutching her mother’s pearls and looking at the stage with wide, shining eyes, like it was the gates of some magical kingdom. Instead of our usual big, brassy opener, I just felt this pull. I knelt at the edge of the stage, and I started to sing "Summertime," so soft, almost a whisper, just for her. You could hear that little girl gasp, a tiny sound in that vast hall. By the end of the song, all 2,800 people in that hall were just swaying, completely together, a silent, shared communion. It taught me that leadership, real influence, is not always about being the loudest or the most flamboyant. It is about finding the exact frequency, that perfect pitch, that makes all those different hearts resonate as one. You want alignment? You give them a vibration so true, so pure, they cannot help but harmonize with it. And sometimes that vibration is a whisper.

Jimmy Valvano: "Finding the frequency," Ella, I absolutely love that. Sometimes that frequency is quiet, sometimes it’s loud, unadulterated joy!  Even in the face, or maybe especially in the face, of overwhelming odds. 

After we won that 1983 championship, and Lorenzo Charles dunked that ball as the clock ran out, I was just running around the court like a lunatic, pure adrenaline, looking for someone, anyone, to hug! Lo, our shyest player, a gentle giant, he found me, or I found him, and he lifted me right off the ground in this incredible embrace. People still send me photos of that hug, forty years later. That moment, that hug, it was not planned; it was not strategy. It was pure, unadulterated human electricity. It was the culmination of belief, of shared struggle, of months of telling those young men, "Tonight, you are not just playing for yourselves, or for NC State. You are playing for every kid who was ever told they were not good enough, every underdog who ever dared to dream." They felt that. That shared triumph, that connection to something so much bigger than just a game, that is how you move people, how you inspire them to reach beyond what they thought was possible.

Ella Fitzgerald: The joy, yes, Jimmy! That shared joy is so powerful. And sometimes, influence comes from the unexpected, the realness of a moment, even a mistake….

THE TRIO TAKEAWAYS

1. Whisper Summertime to a Child Like Fitzgerald: Touch One Heart to Harmonize Thousands.

A quiet, personal gesture can resonate deeply, uniting diverse groups in emotional harmony. Ella Fitzgerald, exhausted at a 1966 Carnegie Hall concert, spotted a young girl in her Sunday best, clutching her mother’s pearls with shining eyes. Instead of a brassy opener, Fitzgerald knelt at the stage’s edge and sang “Summertime” softly, almost a whisper, “just for her, it felt like.” The girl’s tiny gasp echoed in the vast hall, and by the song’s end, all 2,800 attendees swayed together in “silent, shared communion.” Fitzgerald learned that leadership finds “the exact frequency” to make hearts resonate as one, starting with a single, heartfelt connection.

Application tip: During a team presentation, pause to acknowledge a specific team member’s unique contribution with a personal, heartfelt comment, creating a ripple effect of connection across the group.

Final Thoughts

THE TRIPLE PLAY

Great leaders grow their understanding of people by exploring similarities, differences, and possibilities. Let’s practice this skill each week, with inspiration from our Trio guests.

1. COMPARE: Something they share.

2. CONTRAST: Something they see differently.

3. CREATE: Something they might innovate.

Last week our guests were Lucille Ball (1911–1989) and Katsushika Hokusai (1760–1849), and this could be one of theirs:

"Lucy & Hokusai’s Great Wave Gelato Swirl" 

The dessert reflects Lucille’s knack for turning mishaps into hilarity (think her chocolate factory conveyor belt chaos) and Hokusai’s iconic wave imagery, symbolizing nature’s power and beauty. The gelato features swirling blue and white layers mimicking Hokusai’s wave, with surprising pops of flavor and texture that evoke Lucille’s unpredictable comedy. It’s served in an edible, wave-shaped cone, with a “comedy crunch” topping that fizzes and pops, embodying their shared ability to captivate and inspire.

Apply some takeaways this week!

And let me know:

• In what ways did you find this week’s newsletter helpful or informative?

• Do you have any personal stories that illustrate the takeaways?

• Let's keep learning together - ask any leadership questions for future newsletters!

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Until next week…

Let’s make things better,

John